new york in my head

it’s 2 a.m. and i’m thinking about new york again. i think i’ve technically been to new york hundreds of times. just never in real life.

i’ve seen it through breakfast at tiffany’s, gossip girl, sex and the city, and probably way too many other movies and series. i’ve watched people walk through those streets so many times that some places almost feel familiar to me, even though i’ve never actually been there. and i already know what i’m going to do when i finally get there.

i’ll visit all the places i’ve seen on screen. i’ll probably take an embarrassing amount of pictures. i’ll stand somewhere and think, wait… i’ve seen this before. maybe i’ll go carries bradshaw's appartment, wander around the upper east side like i accidentally belong in gossip girl, and probably stare at tiffany’s for way too long.

the funny thing is, i still have absolutely no idea how i’m going to live there someday. like… genuinely. no plan. no magical visa. no apartment waiting for me. nothing. but sometimes i like imagining the little details anyway.

maybe i’ll have a tiny apartment. maybe i’ll complain about the rent every month. maybe i’ll have a favorite coffee shop and a grocery store where the cashier knows me. maybe i’ll walk home carrying flowers and a tote bag full of things i didn’t need.

i don’t know how i’ll get there yet. but maybe i don’t have to know tonight. maybe someday, somehow, i’ll figure it out. and when i finally walk those streets for real, i hope i remember this version of me sitting here at 2 a.m., dreaming about a city she had only ever seen through a screen. until then, i’ll keep dreaming. because maybe some dreams are just little previews of where we’re meant to go.