how could i have dreams this big in such a small body?

sometimes i genuinely wonder, how could i have dreams this big in such a small body?

there are days when it feels like my mind has made room for more lives than one person could possibly live. i’m always imagining places i haven’t been, lives i haven’t lived, and all the different versions of myself i could become.

i want to live in nyc and spend my days wandering around manhattan, going to museums, accidentally spending too much money on coffee, and pretending i’m in a 90s rom-com. i want to live in switzerland and have a tiny apartment somewhere beautiful, surrounded by mountains, learning how to slow down. i want to live in LA and somehow get myself into the fashion or film world, going to little galleries and movie screenings and pretending i have somewhere important to be. i want london for the rainy afternoons, old bookstores, museums, ballet, and the general feeling of being slightly overdressed for no reason. and then there are all the other places i haven’t even thought of yet.

i mean, is it possible to experience it all in one life? because what if there is no other life? what if this is all we got?

and it’s not just about places. i want to work in fashion, spend my days surrounded by art in a museum, become an archaeologist, make things with my hands, and somehow learn ballet and become a ballerina just because i’ve always thought it was beautiful.

there are so many things i want to try, so many paths i want to take, so many versions of myself i want to meet. sometimes i wish life came with multiple save files, just so i could see every single one of them. just like in everything, everywhere, all at once.

but maybe i don’t have to know which version of my life is the “right” one yet. maybe i can just keep following whatever makes me curious and see where it takes me.

honestly, i just wish i were a nepo baby sometimes. not even for the money. okay, maybe a little for the money. mostly because i have SO many ideas for this life. i have entire movie plots in my head, cities i want to disappear into, careers i want to try, hobbies i want to obsess over for six months, and approximately seventeen different lives i want to live.

all i’m asking for is enough time, money, and plane tickets to make it happen.

until then, i’ll just keep dreaming about all of it. maybe i won’t get to live every life i imagine. but i hope i get to live enough of them, that one day, i can look back and think "wow. i really did make this life interesting."

who knows? maybe i’ll surprise myself.