nicole kidman was right, everything is deeply sad

i saw this picture of nicole kidman saying, “everything is deeply sad,” and for some reason it made me laugh a little. not because it's particularly funny. i think i just get it.

i think i’ve reached that weird age where i can be perfectly fine one minute and then suddenly become emotional over something incredibly stupid.

like a song. a song. one second i’m just minding my own business, and then a certain song comes on and suddenly i’m 21 again, sitting in my room in my parent’s house, remembering people i haven’t talked to in forever.

why does music do this? can i just listen to a song without being emotionally transported through time, please? apparently not. and the funny thing is, i don't even like being this nostalgic. i really don’t. i don’t want to be the person who looks at an old photo and goes, “oh, those were the days,” as if i’m 78 years old and writing my memoirs. i’m literally 28. please calm down. but somehow, i keep doing it anyway.

i hear a song and remember a certain year. i see an old picture and remember exactly how i felt. sometimes i even miss a version of myself that, if given the chance, i probably wouldn't want to be again. very confusing behavior.

people grow apart. friendships change. some dreams disappear quietly. some dreams stay, but look completely different from what i imagined. and the person i thought i would become? well. she’s apparently taking a different route. good for her, i guess. i’m still figuring it out.

i recently lost someone i went to high school with. we weren’t particularly close. we didn’t have some big, unforgettable friendship. we were just… there, in the same chapter of each other’s lives. but from what i remember, he was one of the kindest people i knew. and somehow, that was enough to make me sad. it’s strange. you can go years without thinking about someone, and then suddenly they’re gone.

life is weird. everything is weird. everything is deeply sad, apparently. but i guess it’s not only sad. there are still beautiful things.

there are songs that make me nostalgic, even when i wish they didn’t. there are old memories i’m grateful i still have. there are people who were only in my life for a short time but somehow left something behind.

maybe i don’t actually need to stop being nostalgic. maybe i just need to stop fighting it so much. i can miss the past without wanting to go back to it. and maybe i can let myself be a little sentimental without turning into someone who cries because the supermarket changed its interior. although, knowing me, that might still happen.

so yeah. nicole kidman was right. everything is deeply sad. but sometimes it’s also funny. and beautiful. and weird. and occasionally all three at the same time.

i guess that’s life.

btw, here's the link to the famous interview where nicole kidman said she often cries: read here.